Pain

One thing I learned in nursing school is that pain is subjective and to always treat pain seriously. However, throughout my brief nursing career I grew to be skeptical of patients and often labeled them as med seeking, which of course many were, but all were not.
Now I find myself paying for these thoughts due to karma. As I am laying in bed with 2 capsaicin patches, heating pad, oxycodone, and naproxen in my system I am literally feeling my previous patients pain.
How can this be? At 38 yrs old I look at my many medications and I am reminded of my grandfather and how he was the only one I could call during these difficult times because he understood, he was experiencing what I am, he never judged nor told me it was all in my head. Next Friday will mark the 3rd year of his passing and his absence is felt more and more as time goes by.
Time does not heal wounds, at least not when it comes to losing a loved one who has died. I fondly remember my grandmothers, grandpa, and friends everyday. I dont dwell on my grief, but rather I think of them when things are most trying...such as now.
Lately I've been stumbling though the daily motions of life. Were it not for my daughter,I'm not sure I could accomplish half of what I do...which isn't saying much.
I'm depressed. There, I said it. I wrote what no one wants to hear. Having to disguise my physical and mental pain is exhausting. I've been in therapy enough to know the psycho mumbo jumbo any licensed therapist psychiatrist/therapist would say in response.
Yes I know I am lucky and count my blessings everyday, and I know I need to keep busy. However, unlike before I never suffered from such excruciating pain that is at debilitating at times.